Sunday, 12 July 2015

Dreams? Is it something I wanted?

When I was a child, whenever I tried falling asleep inside the classroom I would hesitate a lot. Not because I didn't want to sleep during the daytime, But because I knew that those nightmares would probably hunt me down during the daytime too.


I was never a child with lots of friends. You may wonder why? 
I just don't like people knowing me.
I don't like it when people started asking me questions about myself.
I hated it when people would start digging my personal issues.
I don't want people to pay attention to me.
I like it when they just act as if I'm just a piece of dust.
I don't like getting attention.
I just wanted to be a visible person without anyone asking or digging into my personal space.
I don't want people to act as if they're trying to be my best friend.
I don't like saying "HELLO".WHY?
Because Hello always ends with Goodbye.And I'm not sure whether I'll be ready to say Goodbye, ever.


I never had a good night sleep because there's something bothering me. Like a nightmare,but I can't quite specify it.I have no idea what it was but I don't like it at all.
At first I thought that it was because I read a lot of books and may be they're showing in my dreams.
But lately it's not just the themes in the book that shows,it's everything I saw in the daytime that has come to live in my dreams.
I'd see some of my friends getting shot or some getting chased by Dragons.
Some would become a Vampire and some,Werewolf.
Some even turns into an Angel and some into a serial Killer.
 
 
 


Sometimes I would wake up tired,sweating and a lot of fear building inside me. My chest would hurt and I'd feel like crying. But I can't cry. Something's pulling me inside, telling me not to cry.
Then it hit me, I hate crying.
It made me weak.
It make me feel useless.
It makes me look like a fool.
I hate it when my tears started forming inside my eyes.
I hate it when I have to wipe those tears streaming down my cheeks.
I just don't want to cry.


When I was a child I don't like sleeping during the daytime but now I'm quite comfortable.
WHY? Simple.
Even if I woke up having a nightmare or should we call it a bad dream,I know for sure that my friends or some people would be around. To make me feel relieve. And now I'm not scared to sleep anymore during the daytime. Sleeping during the daytime has become my spouse. And It make me feel good.


Whereas, I'm still afraid to sleep during the nighttime. I don't know what each night would bring.
I'm scared of what will appear in my dreams. Will it make me sad? Will it hurt me? Will it be a pleasant dream?

I just wanted to sleep peacefully for once and I just don't know how to overcome this nightmare.

For some people Dreams are awesome. But for me it's a headache.
I don't like having DREAMS.It make me feel insecure and helpless.


I wonder when Sleeping and Me will ever be in good terms?

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