My Point Of View!!!

I cannot even describe what I've been feeling lately. It's a feeling between nostalgia and reminiscence.
Lately I've started writing in this blog to just share what's on my mind and I don't know when it started looking like my own personal Dairy.

I was never a person who share and open up to people. I just hate it when people started interfering into my own personal space, digging my old past. I never ask of that.

    I've been thinking and I found that I'm weird.

Why? I don't know. I just like being silent and just go with the flow. I was never a person who talks much. So, there's no point of making me trying to make me talk unnecessary things because in the end there will be time I snap at you and TRUST ME you wouldn't like it.

I'm weird in a way that I can be so sweet to you if you are good to me but if something goes wrong between me and you once,I can be the most evil person you've never encountered in your life.

I like humans,I like people who are mysterious but not every people.People are weird,I guess.

They found it hard to believe that somewhere in the world there are some people who just hates being exposed.
What's the use of trying to make a person to open up If the person doesn't accept it?
You just can't force someone to take a role in it if s/he refuses to do so.

I love observing things,even though they wouldn't cause any difference in my life.
Can people like being alone, but hate the feeling of being lonely? 

 Someone told me that alone doesn't mean lonely.

 I figured. But it’s strange how loneliness exists. Especially for people like me.

I was never a good person who keep lots of friends.I was afraid that I'd grow too attached to them that I might not be able to leave.I keep telling myself that It's okay.But not anymore.

I try so hard to push people out, and yet I feel lonely for doing it. Something about it feels uneven. Like, I know I don’t want to be with others, but why does it feel so sad? Like, I'm being left out, even though I did the leaving. I didn't want to contact my old friends just because I'd miss them?And I don't want to miss people. It make me feel weak. It’s unfair how we were constructed like this. 

I hate tears.
It make me feel weak.
I hate it when my eyes gets teary.
I hate it when there is a lump in my throat trying to explode.
I hate it when the tears would stream down my face.
I can't stand the feeling of not being able to control the situation.
I hate to cry.
Yet, I don't even know if I can stop my tears or not.
But now I know for some reason people would CRY. And we can't control it.
It's something natural.

“Don't be ashamed to weep; 'tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.” 
― Brian Jacques, Taggerung





(Pictures in this blog are not mine. Credit goes to the owner.)